The shower was organized by my boss, who I’ve mentioned before is fantastic. We have worked together for 4 1/2 years and I couldn’t ask for a better or more supportive person to work for. I have worked with most of the women (and two guys!) who attended for a long time as well, and they are a great group. I am very fortunate to work where I do.

I am still astounded by all of the gifts I received. There is very little left on my registry! In addition to tons of smaller items (receiving blankets, sippy cups, car mirrors, toys), I also received several big ticket items I had really been wanting, including the Graco Duo 2-in-1 swing/bouncer:

And the ErgoBaby carrier with infant insert:

Several mom friends have told me the Ergo is the best carrier so I am very excited to have it, and am equally excited about the swing/bouncer – I love items that multitask!

I have several bags stuffed full of baby gifts in my trunk, as well as a gift card to use towards the few remaining items on my registry. J is going to be shocked when he sees everything!

In addition to the very generous gifts, the party also featured an adorably creepy fondant baby on the cake.

We all agreed that it was awesome in a semi-disturbing way.

I truly am so grateful for the generosity and thoughtfulness of my wonderful coworkers (and of my friends and family from my previous shower, too, of course!). I am a lucky girl to have so many amazing people in my life – and Penny Bazinga will be, too.

Hope everyone had a fantastic Friday and has an awesome weekend planned! Mine will be spent putting away baby items and doing laundry – and I like it that way.

I thought I’d throw out another controversial topic that’s been on my mind: the apparent battle between working moms and stay-at-home moms. It’s been on my mind even more recently since J heard someone on the radio (someone who called into our local station, not one of the DJs) say that only stay-at-home moms deserve to be celebrated on Mother’s Day; working moms don’t count.

I’m not a mom yet (just over a month to go!), but when I am I will join the working mom camp after 12 weeks of maternity leave. Is this my ideal? Nope. If we were financially able I would love to work part time, say 20 hours/week or so. I love my job, but I’m also pretty sure I’m going to love the crap out of my kid (I do already), and the thought of spending so much time away from her breaks my heart. However my reality is working full time, so I need to make it work. Luckily I will be able to modify my hours slightly to have an extra hour with PB after work.

I see snarky comments from both sides on baby boards and mom boards and I don’t get why women have to be do critical of each other for what is a very personal choice (it’s like the breastfeeding vs. formula feeding battle – a topic for another day, perhaps?). SAHMs criticize working moms for leaving their child with someone else, putting a career first, etc. Working moms criticize SAHMs for being “just a mom” (such bullshit – “just” a mom?) or for not being feminist enough (again, here we go with the feminism issue).

I do think there are benefits to both options. Obviously being able to stay at home with your kids is great. You know they are getting the best care possible and you get to share in their day-to-day accomplishments and milestones, which you may miss if at work. However I do think day care has great benefits, too, such as socialization with other kids. You can do this as a SAHM too, of course, but it is a benefit offered by day care on a daily basis. And some studies show academic benefits later in life linked to day care in the early years.

There are, of course, drawbacks to both as well. I thought this was a thoughtful post on some challenges of being a SAHM. I try to never say “must be nice” regarding someone’s ability to be a SAHM because I realize that most likely they are making sacrifices to do so. It’s not that I’m unwilling to do the same but rather that the sacrifices I’d have to make simply aren’t possible at this point – for starters, we’d need to sell our home and move somewhere much cheaper, and since our house is currently worth about $60,000 less than we owe that’s just not happening. We also depend on my job for medical benefits, which aren’t offered by J’s employer.

On the flip side, this discusses the challenges faced by working moms, and this talks about “working mom guilt.”

Most of my friends are working moms, and they say that having “adult” time at work makes them better moms. I know a few SAHMs who are completely fulfilled with their kids and don’t feel the need to work. I also have one friend who seems to have the best of both worlds: she’s mostly a SAHM but works a few hours one weeknight and on Saturdays. She gets her “me” time in a professional environment, but also spends a ton of time with her kids. Seems pretty great to me!

The other thing that pisses me off about this is the utter lack of discussion about stay-at-home vs. working dads. Dads can do what they want without criticism; moms can’t. That doesn’t make sense to me (and that gets the feminist in me ticked off).

Only time will tell how I adjust to my role as a working mom, but for now (and I don’t really see it changing) my opinion is that there is no right or wrong choice for everyone, rather the decision to work or stay home should be personal and based on what is best for your family. People (women and men) should focus on being more supportive of one another rather than ripping others apart for doing the best they can in their given circumstances.

And to the woman who said only SAHMs deserve Mother’s Day? Eff you. Any mom who busts her butt to do the best she can for her kids – whether it’s working outside the home or working as a SAHM – deserves to be recognized.

Some day maybe I’ll do a post on what I think it means to be a feminist. Hint: it’s not about hating men or judging other women.

J and I had a goal to create most of the art for Penny Bazinga’s room ourselves. We had one piece already (a cross-stitched butterfly my grandmother made for me years ago that matches the colors perfectly) but we wanted to create other unique items ourselves. J completed the first project, the painted wood initial a la Pottery Barn Kids, and this weekend I made the second.

I was inspired by this piece I saw on Pinterest:

It seemed simple enough: get a punch from the crafts store and select several different patterns of scrapbook paper, attach to paper, done. It also seemed like an easy way to customize a project – just pick colors that match the color scheme. I decided to make two, one butterflies and one hearts, using the same papers in both to tie them together. I plan to hang them above the glider.

This was actually pretty easy to make. The punches in the original project must have been larger than those I used and/or the frames were smaller but I am thrilled with the results! We haven’t hung them yet but I think they look great.

We have two projects left: bookshelf (J is building) and some sort of pallet art. I can’t decide what to paint on it and J hasn’t been helpful. He vetoed the idea of a heart (says it’s too similar to what’s in our room) and I’m not talented enough to pull off a butterfly. I’ve been trying to find a stencil but haven’t had any luck locating one that large. So that project remains TBD for now, but we need to decide soon as I want to have everything finished within the next two weeks (when PB will be considered full term at 37 weeks).

35 week belly shot:

In other news, J installed the car seat into my car and we now have a crib mattress (and I didn’t have to have another battle with those shitheads at Babies R Us) so we are making progress. I am in the process of washing all the bedding. Next steps: assembling the bassinet, building the bookshelf, finish laundry (which seems endless but I guess I need to get used to that).

When I got married (8 years ago this month!), I did not want to change my name. However it was important to J that we have the same name. He offered to hyphenate, take my name, or even create a new name by combining our two last names. Because it was so important to him, I elected to take my maiden name as my middle name and take his last name, simply because it is easier for a woman to change her name when getting married than a man (dumb, right?).

I’ve kind of regretted this decision ever since. Why?

1) My married name is constantly misspelled and mispronounced. My maiden name is easy to both spell and say.

2) I hate when things come addressed to “Mrs. Joel E.” Why not Mrs. Jen E? Why base my identity on my husband?

3) I still think of myself by my maiden name. Even though it’s been 8 years I still don’t feel like E is my last name.

4) I feel like as a proud feminist I should have kept my maiden name. – Edited to add: This feeling really only comes from outside influences, like when a friend’s wife went off about how she’d never change her name. It makes me feel inadequate in my feminism somehow. And it really shouldn’t. As Kara pointed out in her comment, keeping your maiden name is still a man’s name, just your father’s instead of your husband’s.

I always said that if we had kids I’d hyphenate and give our child the hyphenated name. J is fine with this and even planned to hyphenate himself, so we’d all be the same. When I found out I was pregnant I researched the name change procedure in Connecticut, and even printed out the paperwork filled it out (for myself and for J).

But – I never went through with it. And I’m not going to. I thought it through and realized a few things:

1) Hyphenating won’t solve the issue of my married name being spelled or pronounced incorrectly.

2) Mail will still be addressed based on my husband’s name, it would just be “Mrs. Joel T-E.”

3) My daughter would be saddled with a hyphenated name, which some acquaintances (with hyphenated names) have told me is a pain in the ass.

4) I don’t feel like spending $300 ($150 for each of us) to do this.

5) Changing your name is a royal pain in the ass, and I still find things in my maiden name. I don’t really feel like going through that process again.

Yeah – I’m sure it’s that easy. And free.

6) I am no less of a feminist because I took my husband’s name, and I can teach my daughter to be a feminist in other, more important ways.

Part of me wishes I had kept my maiden name in the first place, but mostly I am fine with my decision. So Baby E will be Baby E, and not Baby T-E. And that’s ok.

Did you change your name when you got married (or do you plan to)? Why or why not? Are you happy with your choice?

Fast-forward to 34 1/2 weeks and I have now gained 31 pounds. Yikes! And I still have 5 1/2 weeks to go. My doctor still isn’t concerned, but I am. I am gaining double the recommended weight for this stage in pregnancy and it is frustrating. I cut out juice and having been eating more fruits and veggies, and trying to cut down on any extra crap (other than the many cupcakes I ate around my shower). I kind of feel like a big fat failure. How hard is it to maintain a reasonable weight gain? For me, apparently it is a challenge.

Some of the weight is, I’m sure, water retention (it’s pretty humid and I’ve had swelling in my hands and ankles), but that can’t account for all of it. I identified the two areas I have the ability to control that could help make a difference:

1) Exercise – I can’t deny it: I’ve been slacking on workouts. I had been walking daily but the last few weeks have only gone out once or twice a week. Not good. And while prenatal yoga is great, it’s only once a week, so that can’t be my only activity.

2) Eating at work – I am fortunate to have a dining hall at school that’s full of delicious options, but lately I’ve been indulging in the dairy a bit too much at lunch (new froyo machine! cheese!) – and dairy makes me gain weight. So it’s got to go (or at least be cut down quite a bit). I’ve also been eating breakfast there more than I usually do, which means breakfast potatoes and muffins. Yum, but loaded with calories and not a ton of nutrition.

I am going to take control of what I can. I will work hard for the rest of my pregnancy to keep my weight gain at a reasonable rate. I’m going to start bringing my own lunch to work – fruit- and veggie-filled salads with homemade oil-free dressings and leftovers – and bring my breakfast most days, too. Breakfast from home is usually oatmeal (regular or overnight oats), which is much healthier even when I add a touch of chocolate.

I’m also going to re-commit to my daily walks. Once J is fully recovered from his surgery (he had his tonsils out and a deviated septum repaired yesterday) I’m sure he’ll go with me, and in the meantime I need to suck it up and go on my own.

My frustration with this weight gain is entirely with myself. I am the one eating less-nutritious foods and slacking on the exercise. I need to be the one to change my habits if I want to change this path.

The good news is, Penny Bazinga is great. Heart rate is perfect and my belly measurement is spot-on at 34 centimeters. And I really am still all belly, so that’s good. Someone told me the other day that I don’t look pregnant when you look at me straight on or from the back. Yay!

Alright. Enough feeling frustrated and bummed. Time to take control. What should I have for lunch? I’m thinking a giant salad and I want to experiment with a new dressing idea. I’ll share it if its any good.

This week I am 34 weeks – just 6 weeks to go! And only 3 weeks until Penny Bazinga is considered full term. I can’t believe how quickly this is flying by!

This week’s belly shots:

I like my outfit today. It’s comfy and the bright color makes me happy. Plus two people have already told me it looks great so that’s a plus hehe.

According to The Bump, PB is now the size of a butternut squash.

And according to the The Bump’s “Dad-to-Be Edition”>Dad-to-Be edition, she’s the size of a ukelele.

We took a newborn care class yesterday. J hasn’t been around babies much so we thought it would be helpful. Most of the info was pretty basic but the most helpful part was watching Happiest Baby on the Block. That doctor is the baby whisperer! I actually had the book already, as two friends recommended it, but hadn’t started reading it yet. J took it to work today to read.

I’m trying to schedule an appointment with our local police department to get our car seats inspected but they ate notoriously bad at returning calls. There’s a clinic (through the Connecticut Children’s Medical Center) in town on the 18th, so I might do that instead.

Challenges
Sleeping – I’m not sleeping well. Partly allergies, partly J snoring, but probably mostly just that it’s hard to get comfortable at this stage in pregnancy.

Fatigue -I’m definitely tiring more easily. While I am having a very easy pregnancy (for which I am very grateful), that doesn’t mean that pregnancy itself is easy, and you don’t get any “days off” from being pregnant.

Per J’s orders, I did a lot of relaxing this weekend.

I did some light cleaning, then I spent much of the rest of the day like this.

Is there anything better than relaxing on the sunshine with a cup of coffee? How about adding a good book? I was too lazy to get up to get a better picture but isn’t this tree beautiful?

Workouts
Prenatal yoga – I missed last week because K was here for my shower, and yesterday was just hard. Everything felt tough and I got lightheaded in a few of the standing postures (and anything that required raising my arms). I think it was a combination of things: the room was warm, I hadn’t had as much water beforehand as I usually do, and my sinuses were stuffy. I modified and did the best I could. Hopefully next week will be better.

Walking – Not as much as I want to, but hopefully this weather will encourage me to get out more frequently.

Food
Breakfasts – I’ve brought back last summer’s favorite, vegan overnight oats!

Lunches – Still the dining hall during the week, until school ends. I made mock tuna salad this weekend and it really hit the spot.

Dinners – Lots of salad lately, or grilled veggie burgers.

Snacks – Crackers, fruit, dark chocolate.

Food aversions – None.

Food cravings – Green grapes, strawberries, breakfast potatoes (tator tots, hash browns, home fries).

Things I’m loving right now
The nursery – It’s really coming along! We organized most of our shower gifts (just need to work on the baby’s bathroom) and have started on some art projects. So fun.

Relaxing – I don’t have much longer to just lounge around, so I’m really trying to listen to J when he tells me to take it easy.

Supportive friends – My friend/neighbor T stopped by this weekend. She has an almost-3-year-old daughter and 5-month-old son. We talked about babies, birth, and breastfeeding, and she is so incredibly supportive and has offered any help I need when baby arrives. I have no shortage of friends willing to lend a hand or ear and it is so appreciated.

I wasn’t in the mood for any of the recipes I have so I improvised with ingredients I had on hand – and I think this is my favorite variation yet.

Ingredients
1/2 cup oats
1 1/2 cups vanilla rice milk
1 tablespoon ground flax
2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
1 tablespoon agave nectar
1 banana, chopped
6 large strawberries, chopped

Directions
1) Combine the oats, flax, and cocoa powder.

2) Add the rice milk and agave nectar and mix well.

3) Stir in the banana and strawberries.

4) Refrigerate overnight and enjoy in the morning!

I ordered a few items online for same-day store pickup. I also had a coupon for in-store use only, which I decided to use to purchase the crib mattress. I paid for the mattress, using the 20% off coupon and a $5 rewards coupon, which saved me $45. As I was waiting by the door for someone to help me load the mattress into my car, I noticed that the plastic wrapping was torn in one spot and the mattress was dirty.

Obviously I didn’t want to purchase a mattress in this condition, so when the BRU guy came up I asked if he could check if there were any others in store to swap. Of course there weren’t, so he told me I’d have to return this mattress and order a new one. A pain in the ass but fine, whatever.

I again got into the guest services line (where I had had to wait previously to pick up my online pickup order), and of course the line was now rather lengthy and god forbid they have an adequate number of staff members manning the desk. Finally I am helped. The clerk handles the return then tells me I need to go to the registry counter to order the new mattress. WTF? You can’t do it at one counter? I pointed out that I had used two coupons for an item that never even left their store and I wanted to be able to use them again. The woman who originally helped me found the coupons and gave them back, though she seemed annoyed.

Well guess what, I was annoyed, too. I now had to go to yet ANOTHER counter for a problem that was not my fault. There were two women and no customers at the registry desk yet I still had to wait a few minutes for one to finish stuffing a couple registry gift bags (the other wasn’t really doing anything… not quite sure why she couldn’t help me). I explain that the mattress I had just purchased was damaged, I hadn’t even left the store, and I needed to order a replacement. I handed her the 20% off coupon and she said I couldn’t use it because it was for in-store use only. I pointed out that we were, in fact, IN STORE, and she said yeah but if she orders the mattress it’s considered an online order. Again, WTF? That is ridiculous and $40 is a lot of money. I asked her to check other local stores to see if they had the mattress in stock and she did but all she would tell me is that they had “low numbers.” That tells me that they did in fact have one in stock but she wouldn’t tell me where, just that the numbers were low. WTF #3.

Finally she says that she can place a GFS order (whatever that means) and that would allow me to use the coupon but would take two weeks for delivery. Fine. I don’t need the mattress for a while so two weeks isn’t a problem. I was annoyed by the $6 fee charged for this “special order” and I’m not clear how this was any different from the so-called “online order” that wouldn’t have allowed me to use my coupon, but whatever. I place the order and am then told I have to go to ANOTHER register to pay.

If you’re keeping track that is WTF #4.

Now I have to wait in line again for one fucking order. In front of me is the woman who had been behind me in line at the guest services counter, complaining about how long the process was taking. She was shocked I was still there, too.

When I went to pay the woman said I couldn’t use the $5 rewards coupon because I had already used it. I explained what had happened and fortunately she was able to put it through another way, and the 20% coupon worked or I would have completely lost my shit.

Not counting the time I waited in line for the original purchase (which was not an insignificant amount of time, mind you), I was standing in various lines for over 30 minutes to fix a problem that was in no way my fault. I am not responsible for the fact that they stocked a damaged product (that they probably put right back on the shelf after I left).

Not once did anyone acknowledge the inconvenience.

Not once did anyone apologize for the damaged product, or the annoyance of having to order the item and wait for it, or the ridiculousness of having to go to three separate registers to accomplish one task.

Not once did anyone say, “Hey, you’re 7 1/2 months pregnant, would you like a seat? Some water?”

Not once did anyone thank me for my patience.

No, instead they made a heavily pregnant woman stand for a lengthy amount of time and jump through hoops to solve a problem. Let me tell you, standing on a concrete floor for that length of time is not comfortable, and when I left my ankles were significantly more swollen than they had been prior to my trip to BRU (they actually had barely been swollen that day).

For a store that caters to pregnant women, this sure was piss-poor treatment. I wish I could say I thought this was the exception but I really don’t think it is. BRU cares about the bottom line, period. They may claim to care about their guests’ experiences, but they don’t. Between my purchases and those of my friends and family, BRU has made several thousand dollars off of my pregnancy, yet they can’t treat me with courtesy when I am in the store.

As I said, I kind of had to register here, though I did move a few items to my Target registry and started a Diapers.com registry just for me, to make purchases there instead of BRU as much as possible to complete my registry (and get the 10% off). I have a few 20% off BRU coupons remaining, which I will, grudgingly, use for a few things, but only because I can really use the extra savings. Anything else will be purchased elsewhere.

And guess what?

I will never purchase anything there in the future, with the exception of registry gifts for others (though if they are also registered elsewhere you bet your ass that’s where I’ll go instead). I will buy all my diapers, wipes, bath products, etc at Diapers.com or other retailers.

I am going to contact BRU’s customer service and Twitter and will update if they respond. I doubt they will. They’ve made their money off of me and clearly don’t give a crap. But I will spread the word to my friends and families and will bash them whenever I can. I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. It’s a shame they can’t make a little more effort to make things easier for pregnant women, their target market.

Assholes.

At least it’s only temporary… right?!

2) Did you catch Macklemore and Ryan Lewis performing Same Love on The Colbert Report earlier this week? I loved both the song and its message.

3) Sometimes my cats get along.

4) J and I are taking a newborn care class this Sunday. It’s offered through our hospital and is four hours long. I’m hoping it’s useful and not boring.

5) We have started working on decorating projects for the nursery. First was inspired by the Harper painted letter collection from Pottery Barn Kids:

J assembled it yesterday and we are painting it this weekend.

Next up – something involving pallets for over the crib.

Any weekend plans?

I decided to keep the mango but change the rest of the toppings, and make a new dressing. I like the idea of using fruit as a dressing base and omitting the oil. I remembered making a strawberry balsamic dressing a while back so I looked for something along those lines and found a recipe on the Whole Foods website. I omitted the mustard and used dried thyme because I didn’t have any fresh on hand.

From there I went with inspiration from a salad I had a few years back, while on vacation in Florida. That salad had a raspberry dressing but close enough. I was really pleased with the results. It was light and fruity, perfect for a warm evening.

Ingredients
Salad
2-3 cups romaine lettuce or baby spinach
1/2 avocado, diced
1/2 mango, chopped
5-6 strawberries, sliced
1/4 cup mandarin oranges
1/2-1 tablespoon coconut flakes
1 Boca chik’n patty (optional)

Dressing
2/3 cup sliced strawberries
1/4 cup balsamic vinegar
1/4 teaspoon dried thyme
1/4 cup water
1/4 teaspoon black pepper

Directions
1) If using, cook Boca patty according to directions on package.

2) Combine all dressing ingredients in a food process or or blender and blend until smooth. This makes plenty of extra dressing so you will definitely have leftovers.

3) Combine lettuce, avocado, mango, strawberries, and mandarin oranges. Sprinkle with coconut flakes and toss to combine.

4) Drizzle with dressing to taste and toss.

I’ve also been loving banana soft serve for dessert. I made it once with Nutella and today I bought Justin’s Nut Butter chocolate hazelnut and made it with that. Super easy and healthier than ice cream, since the base is banana instead of cream.

Ingredients
4 bananas
1 cup Nutella, Justin’s Nut Butter, peanut butter, etc

Directions
1) Blend bananas in a food processor or blender.

2) Add nut butter and blend again until smooth and well combined.

3) Cover and freeze at least 4 hours.

I think these may be new summer staples for me! Or at least end-of-pregnancy staples. In any case, they’re delicious and if you’re looking for something a little different give them a try.